Here I go again talking to a bunch of women, mostly middle-aged women.
Why middle-aged women? I don’t know, maybe because it is interesting to understand them a little more than what meets the eye and get to know them deeper and more intimately than what is on the surface.
From the very successfully independent women to working class women with two or three jobs and families to care for, to spinsters, to all sorts of middle-aged women waking up to face themselves and the world everyday and still managing to put a charade of smile on their faces.
There are a lot of questions to be asked, a lot of thoughts they’d like the you to hear and understand before judging them for who they are at this stage of their lives but today let us focus on;
WHAT ADVICE THEY WOULD GIVE THEIR YOUNGER SELVES?
To each woman I asked, what would you tell your younger self if given the opportunity? It took on an average 18-30secs before each woman I asked that question summed up the courage to attempt answering.
I honestly did not know what range of answers to expect but these are what some of them said;
Larissa: Oh Tanndy! This one is easy, *with a broad smile*
It would be definitely to never settle for less. To leave that boring accounting job which made her so unhappy, it caused her depression. Oh and also to walk out of that abusive relationship. Men will come and go but your self-esteem and self-worth will be with you for a long time…Tanndy if only young girls know there really is nothing they are missing out on.
Linda: I would tell her this!
• to listen more( learn to take advice from those who have led a certain lifestyle and know what is up that path), I would sit her ass down and give her a good talk about listening more even to her own instincts because boy’ that girl would appreciate it now that she is much older.
Sofia: Hmmm, I do not know but maybe;
• To become her own woman before getting married, when I asked what she meant by that, she looked down and said look if we go into that, we’d have to sit down for hours. In a nutshell, a girl has got to get her life together before running off into the arms of a completely different individual and then starts struggling to find herself in the relationship or marriage.
Tatyana: I would tell that young girl not to rush into marriage!
She broke off, smiled and asked rhetorically, do you know I dated my husband for barely two weeks before accepting his marriage proposal? ‘’I don’t know what I was thinking’’ she continued…
…I was bored and thought why not give marriage a trial. Endured 11 years of marriage to a man I barely knew. He died from the vices I should have seen as red flags if I got to know him a little longer before becoming his Mrs…but did not due to the fear of being single, bored alone.
There is also the part where he practically took care of my every need and I grew dependent on him and one day, he is gone. I realized I was not anyone without him. Now all I do is trying to find that little girl’s passion and fire for life before I regret it again.
Margaret: hahaha! That’s a funny question.
About four days ago I was telling my niece who is about to start the university this spring, that whatever she does or learns out there, she should never forget that the most important things about life is making others smile. Whether it’s giving a hug, or volunteering.*She rushed off still laughing*.
I later interviewed three more women but their answers resonated with what they others already shared.
I remember going home that night and asking myself the same question,😅 then decided I was way too young to come up with an appropriate answer(kidding).
Most times, young women are expected by the norms of society to be this and that. We are told to marry and give birth before your eggs scramble(whatever that means). Meet that perfect man who’ll take care of you. Don’t work too hard so you don’t intimidate a man. Being a great mother is nice and easy if you can cook well and clean hard. All bs!
Give yourself a break. You are young and the world is your oyster. Become the woman you have dreamt to be and don’t you dare give up your passions and dreams for any man or societal norm.(this is not a rule)
Know your value and be the support to your own becoming.
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